To Repair Your Ruined Reputation

The story of my social network suicide (i.e. deleting off your social network accounts) is one of ruined reputation, and how social networks tend to alter the behavior of oneself. I amplified a personality weakness of mine, made it public on a social network account, and effectively ruined any chances of me getting back at my circle of “friends” whom I felt are now avoiding me for my insecurities.

In a short summary, I did something wrong, and now it’s too late to say, “Forgive and forget,” because people will definitely not forget, lest if they forgive.

When you did a bad thing, everybody is looking at you.

When you did a bad thing, everybody is looking at you.

The loneliness that comes with the severance of ties – as a result of my deleting all of my social network accounts –is inevitable, a self-inflicting consequence of my follies while I was frolicking in the sea of people’s timelines, tweets and posts. I am a vocal and emotional person, and I didn’t develop a coping mechanism towards people’s opinions that moved me negatively. I usually shout out what I have on my head and hope that people are smart enough to take my comments with a pinch of salt. The problem is when I am saying things that are meant to be taken seriously, people could not differentiate between my sarcastic/nonsensical comments, and the ones that are serious.

I have taken to sharing information/re-tweet other people’s news and spread it around. That’s a problem in itself, because by the nature of their content, I am describing who I am. While it’s meant for an informational purpose, I guess I’m trying too hard to please everyone else, and ended up not making everyone else happy.

I’m also one to be blamed for bringing my suffering onto others. Sometimes, whenever I see other people posting up their creative works, or photos of their activities, I have a green-eyed hatred towards their happiness. It feels like I want what they have, and knowing that I am still not able to pursue such a lifestyle, I went into a state of discontent, getting easily distracted by the moment.

I knew that I have stepped over a line, and an episode have led me to such drastic moves.

I did this, because the best form of medicine is when you’re truly alone, jailed in a self-inflicting isolation, knowing that people “favor their face-value.” Reputation, others’ perception of you, matters a lot living in a community. To that end, I have completely destroyed any credibility I have with the community I hang around with.

And people will remember me as that “negative person.”

I’m in the process of healing my wounds because of my actions. I had enough of my own self, I decided to cut away from a ready circle of friends that I can reach. In the process, I am going to suffer more for the isolation, but I can hope – even if it’s not what I wanted – that at the end of this isolation, I find what I want to do in life.

That realization that I have not accomplish anything in life to warrant people’s attention – that is my folly.

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