In a short summary, I did something wrong, and now it’s too late to say, “Forgive and forget,” because people will definitely not forget, lest if they forgive.
I have taken to sharing information/re-tweet other people’s news and spread it around. That’s a problem in itself, because by the nature of their content, I am describing who I am. While it’s meant for an informational purpose, I guess I’m trying too hard to please everyone else, and ended up not making everyone else happy.
I’m also one to be blamed for bringing my suffering onto others. Sometimes, whenever I see other people posting up their creative works, or photos of their activities, I have a green-eyed hatred towards their happiness. It feels like I want what they have, and knowing that I am still not able to pursue such a lifestyle, I went into a state of discontent, getting easily distracted by the moment.
I knew that I have stepped over a line, and an episode have led me to such drastic moves.
I did this, because the best form of medicine is when you’re truly alone, jailed in a self-inflicting isolation, knowing that people “favor their face-value.” Reputation, others’ perception of you, matters a lot living in a community. To that end, I have completely destroyed any credibility I have with the community I hang around with.
And people will remember me as that “negative person.”
I’m in the process of healing my wounds because of my actions. I had enough of my own self, I decided to cut away from a ready circle of friends that I can reach. In the process, I am going to suffer more for the isolation, but I can hope – even if it’s not what I wanted – that at the end of this isolation, I find what I want to do in life.
That realization that I have not accomplish anything in life to warrant people’s attention – that is my folly.